I only want to be with just YOU forever~ - Your Guardian Angel: Drift...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Drift...

Now, I fully understand what Durkheim meant when he said anomie. Studying Psychology. Studying Sociology. Philosophy, theories to explain the world and how humans and society work - thinking it would reinforce my optimism, but what it did was bring into clearer view of the harsh realities. Pessimism gains a step.

Or is it just me? Do I not see the positive sides to things as I have before? Or have I been disillusioned before?

- - - - - -

He hears, and sees, and observes the crowd below. They are huddled together; they are one together; they are oblivious to their dark surroundings, and they seek company and consolence in each other.

Or was he the outsider?

Was he the one who is deviant?

One thing he knew for sure - he did not talk in the same frequency as they did. As they now did. He wasn't sure if he was above them anymore. He wasn't sure of the very ground he stood on.

He continued looking at them. Their speech was audible; but it was not something he understood.

He used to be amongst them, but as cliques were formed, he found that he wasn't at the right places, at the right times. Fate worked against him; he thought. But was it that he did not belong in this puzzle in the first place? Why did he find only find prejudice and unpleasantness which he could not explain?

He was a firm believer of Fate, yes.

But what really made him stand where he was now, still looking at the group, was not just all that pondering. Someone, in that group now, as he looked, had always been his good friend. Emotional ties that bind, are the toughest knots that can not be undone. He thought he was mantaining ties well; but as he saw things now, as he read her words everyday, the longer the distance was. The string that bound got tauter and tauter - it hurt him, but he didn't give up.

Even as hopeless as it seemed now.

He didn't think it would have had an effect on their relationship. But the more he thougt about it, the more he seemed to know he was consoling himself, he was disillusioning himself.

Did people really have more than one side of themselves? Could they really balance more than one relationship at once? Could they switch between vastly different mindsets with ease?

He did not know.

And for certain, he was not confident in himself. He wasn't confident in this believe.

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7:07 PM