I only want to be with just YOU forever~ - Your Guardian Angel: March 2007

Friday, March 30, 2007

To: Dar Dar: 悔过书

Dear Darling,

I deserve it.

My being sick shouldn't be an excuse, thats what it seems to be.

I've been selfish in demanding attention these few days, and I've made you shou wei qu, I've seemed like wo dui ni hen xiong, zheng tian zai ma ni.

And as I've been showing myself to be for so long, my immaturity. I've seemed to care more about the surface of your words, than what you really mean - I unconsciously "pushing" you away from me. I'm the one who made you feel distant.

I know, I always seem to realise my mistakes too late. Saying sorry, I can never say enough to you. =/

In a drama way to put it.. I don't seem to deserve you, dear. I know in my heart, that you don't have to put up with all my nonsense; I know deep inside, that it hurts to think of what I seem to be in many areas. Yet you've stayed with me, you've forgiven me again and again, you've never faltered in your love for me.

I promised before not to make you cry again. I did. I made us both cry.

I promised I would be good to you. Yet lately, I seem to have been aything but good.

The only way that you could get what is in your mind, in your heart out to me, was in a circumstance like just now. You couldn't keep it inside, you had to let it out.

In short, I made you frustrated.

In short, I made you angry.

And I know, that inside, you hope that one day I will, one day things will turn for the better, because you believe in our love. Though as it seems, you don't know how.

I know all of that... and I will not attempt to defend myself, to explain this and that... because that doesn't give you assurance, that doesn't change things. I know you're tired of hearing all my talk.

Its time that I really grew up.

So I will not, in this letter, ask for you to forgive me; ask for you to listen to my explanation. I will not pressurize you to discuss with me our problems. I only hope what I am going to say will assure you, at least in a small way, that our relationship, our love, doesn't have to go on with problems remaining as facts - because of me.

I'm learning to love - no, I won't say that, because I know how I should be loving you.

Dar, I know, I've heard you say before, that we have sometimes a communication breakdown. Up till now it seems, that you find that you can't speak your mind, because you worry that I may start to think too much, and think into unrelated areas.

Thats why you feel that we still cannot be frank with each other.

For me, I have always been ready to be frank with you, always been open and honest with you. And because I know my immature side, I hesitate sometimes to say what I am thining at the moment. When I say I'm thinking about something yet I don't say it when we're on the phone, its not that I can't be frank with you darling. Its really that I don't want my immature side to be acting up. Thats what really keeps me back.

But as it is. Its time that I grew up, and so, I shouldn't be thinking about stuff in a immature sense. And so I shouldn't have things to hold back.

I am not asking for you to forgive me, dear.

I am not asking for you to say "Oh, I understand" after reading all this, dear.

I am not asking for you to be worried that what you say will hurt me.

Being open and frank in a relationship is what we really want. Darling, I say this, and I truly mean it, that all I want is for us to be open and true with each other. I will tell you words that are straight from my heart from now on - I promise you.

And I will not be what I had been before - and I will show you. Dear, believe in me?

Dear, if you have anything in your heart or on your mind, I promise you, I will not be the kid I was before. I don't want to continue having you, dear, to only worry whether I will think too much, or will be unhappy.

I know you want me to be happy dear, and I also want you to be happy. I truly mean it.

Love you dear. <3

From,
Jojo

6:44 PM

*cough cough*

I think i'm a little sicker.

I've got a blocked nose that keeps coming back, the cough's gotten a little worse, and a slight headache that intensifies everytime I get up.

Rainy day, plus disappointment...

Not the best remedies for illness.

4:21 PM

Thursday, March 29, 2007

To: Dar Dar 29/3/2007

Dear Darling,

Truth to be said, I've been feeling ill since I told you I had sore throat yesterday morning. The throat's better, but I've been feeling quite dry in my mouth, and my nose is starting to act up as well, giving me flu in the middle of the night. On top of that, I actually feel quite heaty inside, sometimes drowsy. I haven't seen the doctor, but don't worry dear, I think I have it under control. I'm drinking plenty of water wor - wo you ting dar de hua de. =)

Whats not in control though, is my mood. Perhaps you felt it as well, since last night. Its been going up and down, according to how I feel, sometimes going rather low at night. I haven't told you this, because I didn't want you to worry - but as it is, I know dar has been worrying.

And I've had a bit going on in my mind, especially this morning. I don't know if it came out wrong, but I wasn't actually so bothered by what you had said last night in answer. I was really more worried about what I had said, about my not giving you a sense of security.

Why I worry is because... I had a girl say that to me before, that I wasn't giving her a sense of security. When I think about us, I feel like, sometimes, I'm not "being a man"; sometimes, I don't seem like the pillar of support I should be for you. Its hard to put this feeling into specific examples, its like - I'm feeling my own weakness.

And when I said, I love you darling, and I will continue loving you the way I always had till forever; I meant it, and I meant that despite these negative feelings I have about myself, I won't let them come in the way. So what, even if I'm really weak? I shouldn't brood; I should overcome them.

Sometimes, wo jue de wo shi ge da huai dan, da sha dan. Hao duan duan de, wo gan ma qu xiang zhe xie dong xi, gan ma qu bring them up? Zhen de bu dong, zuo shen me.

Sigh.

Darling, I know you were worried. But because I didn't tell you all these... you had to guess. I know, because you asked if I was not happy, and guessed its because of things you do, or you didn't do. Like yesterday night, you thought I was not happy because you watched TV instead of chatting with me; you thought I was not happy because you chose to postpone our date to help your mom paint the door; and just now, all you wanted was for me to not be unhappy.

I know, I know... I think I came across as I was scolding you, that I was unhappy with you. I'm sorry dear =X I never meant it to come out like that...

At first I was very puzzled why you kept asking if I was not happy. But now I understand... Wo gan jue dao dar de guan xin he ai xin de... zhen de. =) *gan dong*

If you're wondering dear, the reason why I didn't tell you all this over MSN, SMS nor phone (I had wanted to try the phone) was because, I wouldn't have know where to begin, and how to say all this.

Darling, I love you, and you know, that though I tend to let my thoughts run wild, that though what I say sometimes don't sound right... You know that wo hen teng ni de ah. =X

Love <3

P.S. Dar dar fang xin, wo zhen de hui take care of myself de =) I promise you.

From,
Your Dearest Dearie
Jojo

7:49 PM

Is that so?

An excerpt from a Pri 5 comprehension passage.

"Beep! Beep! ... 2 boys trafficking and taking drugs!"

Trafficking drugs.

AND Taking drugs at the same time? What??

The location was at a void deck some more. Ok location aside, how do you traffick and take drugs at the same time? You'd probably end up not being able to tell 50 cents and $50 apart.

I appeal for more sense and logic in comprehensions. Even if it were only Primary school.

7:41 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I need a Direction Arrow on my head

Was at Tanah Merah MRT Station today, wanted to take the train to Eunos. Walked to Boon Lay side, paused, checked to see the other said was "To Pasir Ris", and went up.

Good beginnings don't always tide good followings.

When I was later at Somerset, going into the MRT station itself, there's this old man who was infront of me. Looking at my phone and him being the nearest person going in the same direction as me, I just followed, and found he had difficulties going through the gate.

Of course. There was this big 'X' on the gate. Duh. And he still CHECKED, and tried tapping his card again. I felt like a big idiot.

Then was going back to Pasir Ris, I thought I saw the train had already arrived, rushed in, surprised to find there were still seats, sat down happily, and it was till the door closed did I see the opposite side was "To Pasir Ris". Oh. Never mind i thought, I'll just let the train make a loop, I was kinda tired then.

So the train made its loop, and I hapily sat there with the impression its making a loop and going in the Pasir Ris direction - till I realised I just reached Dhoby Gaut.

Omg.

9:12 PM

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Expiry Date?

Was just registering for Relief Teaching under the MOE website, and came across a column for entering NRIC.

There was an Issue Date, and Expiry Date column right below.

So I went and got my IC out, and keyed in the Issue Date, and seeing no Expiry Date, I just left it.

Next.

Error: Please key in Expiry Date in DDMMYYYY format.

Huh? Went back in to get my IC. No expiry date what! Or is it common knowledge that an IC only lasts a number of years? Google that. No answer.

Next!

Error: Please key in Expiry Date in DDMMYYYY format.

Grr! Ok fine, maybe I key in the same as Issue Date then.

Next.

Error. Expiry Date cannot be the same as Issue Date. What the... went and called up MOE Helpdesk. "Oh, just leave both the Issue and Expiry Date columns blank."

Argh!

There were a couple more things in the form that were rather wierd. Another was Start Date and End Date under the 'O' Level Cert section. How do I remember when I took my O level paper in the DDMMYYYY format?! And the end date could not be altered, its set at 31.12.9999. Wierd... I just keyed in today's date in Start Date.

4:31 PM

Monday, March 26, 2007

My Dog...

drinks wine!

Well, my mom actually upset a bottle of self made wine. Made from glutinous rice and some red rice.

Sugoi~ The glass bottle didn't shatter. It fell from the fridge.

My mom wanted to stop the dog from drinking, but since all that wine's going to waste, so my mom decided to let the dog drink its fill. And typical of a human (dogs resemble human habits in many ways), my dog vomitted after that. He drank about half that bottle. XD

8:16 PM

Sunday, March 25, 2007

To: Dar Dar 25/3/2007

Dear Darling,

Keke, I try to write Qing Shu gei dar dar wor. =P Hee.

Morning wake up open eyes, first thing jiu shi xiang ni le =P Hee! Dar ni zhi dao ma, qi shi every morning I wake up le, my first thought is you orh~ Still lying on the bed, wo jiu already texting dar dar le! Bleh~

Hehe, swimming de shi hou, wo zai xiang, if one day ke yi gen dar yi qi you yong, na gai duo hao~ Bleh. Dar hai ji de that time 2.4 de shi hou, ni jiao wo imagine dar dar pao zai wo qian mian, so I will keep running mah? Hehe, wo swimming de shi hou you dao lei le, ye shi na me imagine de wor! Then jiu keep going~ Woo! Keke.

Ah~ Today whole day at home, so boring wor~ =X Come back from swimming le, jue dao hao lei orh, jiu tang zai chuang shang - Xiang dar dar orh~ Hee. Suo yi nap de shi hou zuo meng, shui de hao tian! Blehs. ;P

Hee. Hao la, jiu xie dao zhe'er xian lo~ Muacks!

P.S. Love you, dar dar~ Forever and ever, till... ever! <3

From,
Your Dearest Darling,
Jojo

10:46 PM

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I'm one one week self probation of technology. Ok, PC usage, rather.

It will end some time mid next week. I think, hopefully. And I'll update findings and self discoveries then.

Stay tuned.

P.S. And darling, I really miss you a lot. <3

1:16 PM

Archives