I only want to be with just YOU forever~ - Your Guardian Angel: To: Dar Dar 29/3/2007

Thursday, March 29, 2007

To: Dar Dar 29/3/2007

Dear Darling,

Truth to be said, I've been feeling ill since I told you I had sore throat yesterday morning. The throat's better, but I've been feeling quite dry in my mouth, and my nose is starting to act up as well, giving me flu in the middle of the night. On top of that, I actually feel quite heaty inside, sometimes drowsy. I haven't seen the doctor, but don't worry dear, I think I have it under control. I'm drinking plenty of water wor - wo you ting dar de hua de. =)

Whats not in control though, is my mood. Perhaps you felt it as well, since last night. Its been going up and down, according to how I feel, sometimes going rather low at night. I haven't told you this, because I didn't want you to worry - but as it is, I know dar has been worrying.

And I've had a bit going on in my mind, especially this morning. I don't know if it came out wrong, but I wasn't actually so bothered by what you had said last night in answer. I was really more worried about what I had said, about my not giving you a sense of security.

Why I worry is because... I had a girl say that to me before, that I wasn't giving her a sense of security. When I think about us, I feel like, sometimes, I'm not "being a man"; sometimes, I don't seem like the pillar of support I should be for you. Its hard to put this feeling into specific examples, its like - I'm feeling my own weakness.

And when I said, I love you darling, and I will continue loving you the way I always had till forever; I meant it, and I meant that despite these negative feelings I have about myself, I won't let them come in the way. So what, even if I'm really weak? I shouldn't brood; I should overcome them.

Sometimes, wo jue de wo shi ge da huai dan, da sha dan. Hao duan duan de, wo gan ma qu xiang zhe xie dong xi, gan ma qu bring them up? Zhen de bu dong, zuo shen me.

Sigh.

Darling, I know you were worried. But because I didn't tell you all these... you had to guess. I know, because you asked if I was not happy, and guessed its because of things you do, or you didn't do. Like yesterday night, you thought I was not happy because you watched TV instead of chatting with me; you thought I was not happy because you chose to postpone our date to help your mom paint the door; and just now, all you wanted was for me to not be unhappy.

I know, I know... I think I came across as I was scolding you, that I was unhappy with you. I'm sorry dear =X I never meant it to come out like that...

At first I was very puzzled why you kept asking if I was not happy. But now I understand... Wo gan jue dao dar de guan xin he ai xin de... zhen de. =) *gan dong*

If you're wondering dear, the reason why I didn't tell you all this over MSN, SMS nor phone (I had wanted to try the phone) was because, I wouldn't have know where to begin, and how to say all this.

Darling, I love you, and you know, that though I tend to let my thoughts run wild, that though what I say sometimes don't sound right... You know that wo hen teng ni de ah. =X

Love <3

P.S. Dar dar fang xin, wo zhen de hui take care of myself de =) I promise you.

From,
Your Dearest Dearie
Jojo

7:49 PM