I only want to be with just YOU forever~ - Your Guardian Angel: To: Dar Dar: 悔过书

Friday, March 30, 2007

To: Dar Dar: 悔过书

Dear Darling,

I deserve it.

My being sick shouldn't be an excuse, thats what it seems to be.

I've been selfish in demanding attention these few days, and I've made you shou wei qu, I've seemed like wo dui ni hen xiong, zheng tian zai ma ni.

And as I've been showing myself to be for so long, my immaturity. I've seemed to care more about the surface of your words, than what you really mean - I unconsciously "pushing" you away from me. I'm the one who made you feel distant.

I know, I always seem to realise my mistakes too late. Saying sorry, I can never say enough to you. =/

In a drama way to put it.. I don't seem to deserve you, dear. I know in my heart, that you don't have to put up with all my nonsense; I know deep inside, that it hurts to think of what I seem to be in many areas. Yet you've stayed with me, you've forgiven me again and again, you've never faltered in your love for me.

I promised before not to make you cry again. I did. I made us both cry.

I promised I would be good to you. Yet lately, I seem to have been aything but good.

The only way that you could get what is in your mind, in your heart out to me, was in a circumstance like just now. You couldn't keep it inside, you had to let it out.

In short, I made you frustrated.

In short, I made you angry.

And I know, that inside, you hope that one day I will, one day things will turn for the better, because you believe in our love. Though as it seems, you don't know how.

I know all of that... and I will not attempt to defend myself, to explain this and that... because that doesn't give you assurance, that doesn't change things. I know you're tired of hearing all my talk.

Its time that I really grew up.

So I will not, in this letter, ask for you to forgive me; ask for you to listen to my explanation. I will not pressurize you to discuss with me our problems. I only hope what I am going to say will assure you, at least in a small way, that our relationship, our love, doesn't have to go on with problems remaining as facts - because of me.

I'm learning to love - no, I won't say that, because I know how I should be loving you.

Dar, I know, I've heard you say before, that we have sometimes a communication breakdown. Up till now it seems, that you find that you can't speak your mind, because you worry that I may start to think too much, and think into unrelated areas.

Thats why you feel that we still cannot be frank with each other.

For me, I have always been ready to be frank with you, always been open and honest with you. And because I know my immature side, I hesitate sometimes to say what I am thining at the moment. When I say I'm thinking about something yet I don't say it when we're on the phone, its not that I can't be frank with you darling. Its really that I don't want my immature side to be acting up. Thats what really keeps me back.

But as it is. Its time that I grew up, and so, I shouldn't be thinking about stuff in a immature sense. And so I shouldn't have things to hold back.

I am not asking for you to forgive me, dear.

I am not asking for you to say "Oh, I understand" after reading all this, dear.

I am not asking for you to be worried that what you say will hurt me.

Being open and frank in a relationship is what we really want. Darling, I say this, and I truly mean it, that all I want is for us to be open and true with each other. I will tell you words that are straight from my heart from now on - I promise you.

And I will not be what I had been before - and I will show you. Dear, believe in me?

Dear, if you have anything in your heart or on your mind, I promise you, I will not be the kid I was before. I don't want to continue having you, dear, to only worry whether I will think too much, or will be unhappy.

I know you want me to be happy dear, and I also want you to be happy. I truly mean it.

Love you dear. <3

From,
Jojo

6:44 PM