Qi shi, past few days, ever since dar kai xue, wo dou shi chao ji xiang dar dar de. Maybe shi yin wei, pa dar dar school repoen le will be too busy, hee.
You de gen dar chu qu, jiu hen kai xin lo. =X
Chao ai ni, darling. <3
9:14 PM
Thursday, April 12, 2007
To: Dar Dar 12/04/07
Dearest Darling,
I have something to tell you~
Keke! Ji de I said before, dar dar shi wo de kai xin guo ah~ Na wo jiu shi dar dar de Honeycomb Kitkat nor! =P
Xi wang dar dar bu kai xin shi, xiang qi wo, jiu hui feel better la. Hee.
Kai Xin Guo dai biao le darling, Honeycomb Kitkat dai biao wo~ Wo men zai yi qi, jiu shi ai nor! Bleh~
Love you darling~ <3
From: Your Dearest Dearie Jojo
3:19 PM
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
爱的主旋律
Dar dar, ni hai ji de last night, I said this song de lyrics hen shi he wo men ma?
男：是你在那个雨季 走进我生命 带着一点任性 和温柔的表情 (Hehe dar... ji de wo men shi 110806 kai shi de ah... Zhen de shi rain season wor! =P Mm, dar you shi shi you dian ren xing. Hee. Dar de wen rou de biao qing, shi bu yong shuo la <3)
女：是你在那个雨季 赶走了孤寂 温暖的笑容 换我仅有的甜蜜 (Qi shi this first line, ye shi applies to me. Zi cong dar walk into my life zhi hou, I was never lonely, alone again. Shi zhen de. =X)
男：天上一万颗星星我却只看见你 你说这是幸运 还是不可思议 (Neng gou gen dar zai yi qi, zhen de shi wo mei you xiang guo zi ji hui de dao zui da, zui da de xing fu.)
女：身边有太多风景 我却停在这里 说我傻的可以 还不是因为你 (Hee. Dar de zou wei you na me duo de nan sheng, dar xuan zhe le wo. <3 Xuan zhe le, gen wo zhe ge da sha gua yi qi. Hee.)
男：是你的声音 (Dar de sheng ying, dar de gu li, dar yi zhi de na me zi chi wo, 女：带给我勇气 rang wo ke yi mian dui ren he de nan ti, yin wei wo zhi dao, you 男：恋爱的频率 dar dar ni de ai. Ai dar dar, wo ai dao xin di, hen shen, hen shen 女：直到我心底 de ai. 男：如果你愿意 Dar yuan yi gen wo zai yi qi, you dar dar de zhe fen ai, wo zhen de 女：是的我愿意 gan jue dao hao xing fu. Wo yao yi zhi dou gen ni zou xia qu, yin wei 合：带着我幸福的主旋律 ni jiu shi wo sheng ming de zhu xuan lv.
男：从前的实际 女：现在我相信 Wo men de ai, wo men zi jian de gan qing, yin wei wo men xiang xin, 男：天空会放晴 wo men bi ci dou xiang xin, wo men du guo le hao duo nan guan - 女：爱会更甜蜜 雨后，一定会天晴 - 就像我们的爱一样。
男：如果你愿意 Dar dar, wo men de zhe fen ai, zhe fen gan qing, wo men Ai De Zhu 女：是的我愿意 Xuan Lv, wo men rang ta Yong Yuan, Yong Yuan de chang xia qu, 合：爱的主旋律 永远唱下去 zhi dao yong yuan, hao ma?)
There was an uneasiness in my heart and mind... All through the night, all through today.
All the while, all I could feel was a deep sense of self reproach. Alot of things went through my mind - all my faults, all my shortcomings - especially the times that've ruined both our moods.
Sadness hangs over me. I was very upset with myself.
Then, only one thing kept ringing in my mind.
"I never want to have to hurt you, and then say sorry, ever again, darling."
This promise, this resolve hung on my mind all through last night, all through today, and will continue to be on my mind - I will always be in reproach of myself for not having done this earlier. In reproach of myself for letting my emotions run wild. In reproach of myself, for being such a fool.
As I write this, I hold back my tears - tears not of wanting empathy, but rather, an overwhelming sadness and frustration at myself.
I feel so helpless - against myself.
8:01 PM
Sunday, April 08, 2007
To: Dar Dar 8/4/2007
Dui bu qi, darling~
Kan lai wo de yi fu huai pi qi, cong xiao dao da, hai mei you wan quan gai diao. =/ Wo hen tao yan zi ji wei shen me yao mei ci upset dar le cai lai regret, lai explain.
Ai ni, jiu bu ying gai ever dui ni fa pi qi. Ai ni, jiu bu ying gai zuo cuo shi, ran hou cai lai shuo dui bu qi. Ai ni, jiu ying gai zhi dao dar bu xiang qi ta ren na yang de kan wo.
Ai ni, zui zhong yao de ye shi, yao liao jie ni, cong ni de perspective lai xiang.
Er dang wo act on impulse de shi hou, jiu hao xiang ba quan bu zhe xie dou diu chu chuang wai le.
我在做什么？ 我发什么神经？ 我是不是白痴？ 爱你，是应该这样的吗？
Wo gang cai jiu zai wen zi ji. Zai ma zi ji.
Ma wan le, mian bi si guo le, I felt very moody. Jue de zi ji hen chun. Hen mei yong. Then I asked myself: Feeling this way - you yong ma? Does it change anything?
Wo bu kai xin, dar ye bu hui kai xin.
So, I told myself: Stop brooding over it. Yes, it was a mistake. But feeling unhappy over it after that gai bian bu liao anything. Suo yi I decided I would cheer up - na me, dar ye bu hui na me bu gao xing.
I know darling de xin de.. Dar shi dan xin wo, pa wo if that day really comes, hui fang bu xia, hui qu zuo sha shi. Whether gen wo zai yi qi, hai shi mei you gen wo zai yi qi, dar dar zui xiang kan dao de, shi kan jian wo hao hao de huo zhe, whether in person, or in my heart.
Darling chang shuo, wo hao xiang xiao hai zi, bu zhang da; ye xu bah.
Ye xu also because of this, darling chang jue de yao wei wo dan xin.
Sometimes I ask myself: Wo shi zhen de zhang bu da? Hai shi wo bu xiang zhang da?
In terms of si xiang fang mian, hen tan bai de shuo, I'm definitely not what I seem like. Bi ru shuo, darling gen wo shuo, ru guo zhen de you na me yi tian, wo yao dong de fang xia; I know this. Wo ye bu shi mei you zuo guo xin li zun bei.
But what I did just now, tearing when you mentioned this; feeling sad and dejected; saying that mei you ni, wo hui si diao - yes, they're contradictory.
Wo mei you ban fa xiang ni jie shi wei shen me.
I am emotional - I am not afraid to let my emotions show and flow. I am impulsive - I will say and do what comes to mind, often without considering. And in this way, I am true to myself, and true to people around me - especially to you, darling.
Maybe this is the part of my character that explains my behaviour. I seem to think too much; I seem to worry unduly; I seem like a kid when it comes to stuff. But in hindsight, I'm always able to point out where I was wrong, what darling was thinking.
I promised you I will try to change. And I will... But I cannot change my impulsive nature altogether, not immediately. I will, bit by bit, think before I say and react to what dar says to me.
Darling, I don't want you to worry about me. Whenever I make you worry; whenever I make you upset; whenever I make you unhappy, I get very upset with myself. I said, dar dar de gan shou, dar dar zai xiang shen me, wo zhen de hen zai hu de - and I really do.
Dar dar gang cai tu ran don't want me to send you home, I was blaming myself for it.
When I said I was worrying... whenever I worry in fact... I'm always worrying whether I've been stupid. Whether I've not done enough. Darling wui wo de ai, dui wo de care and concern, wo cong lai dou mei you huai yi guo. I tell myself, ru guo dar loved me less, yi ding shi yin wei wo. Yes, I'm very critical of myself... it was what I was taught, all these 21 years of my life.
Darling. You told me you didn't want my heart to live just because of you. And I told you I cannot control my heart and my feelings.
You told me I must learn to carry on, and not die. I told you, I will die - but I will find my way to live, as I always have, after my heart died without family love; after my heart died so many times from one-sided loves, and relations that didn't work out.
But its also true when I said that I've never loved so truly, so deeply as I've loved you. Its true, when I said that you're the most important person to me in my life right now.
So, its also true, that if I were to lose you, I will die. And stay so for a long while...
But I will still carry on, because I'm not without dreams. I told you, I'm an optimist of the optimists - but at the same time, I'm practical.
I can promise you, that though I will die, I will still stand up again one day.
Darling, I want you to love me without having to worry for me all the time. I want you to love me and, receive my love without qualms, without worries. I may be like a kid when I say and act on impulse, but inside, I hope that darling you will see, that I have my measure of maturity. At least when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart.
Almost had to run down to Pasir Ris this morning without my breakfast for nothing. Stupid tuition agency. Lucky thing was, the mother didn't whether it was one tutor or another, so long I could start right now, and teach well.
Yosh~
Watching Naruto now. Ok, at least Naruto isn't the weakest like Ichigo in Bleach, Sakura is the weakest bimbo ever.
Darn cordless phone getting softer these days. Wondering how to make it louder... Sigh.
9:44 PM
14 ThinGs tO knOw abOut Me
Name:
Joel
Nickname:
hOrse
Gou Xiong
Lao Fu Zi
Location:
Singapore
Sex:
Male
Religion:
Naturalist
Birthday:
3rd July 1986
Zodiac:
Cancer
Occupation:
Student
Contact Me:
lameable.jo@gmail.com
MSN
brotherhood_of_nod@hotmail.com
Status
Blessed-ly Attached 081106 to Wang PeiShi~ <3
Favourites
~ Being with my Darling~
~ Play MMORPG
~ Write song, play guitar
~ Learn new stuff
~ Sleep
