I know darling de xin de.. Dar shi dan xin wo, pa wo if that day really comes, hui fang bu xia, hui qu zuo sha shi. Whether gen wo zai yi qi, hai shi mei you gen wo zai yi qi, dar dar zui xiang kan dao de, shi kan jian wo hao hao de huo zhe, whether in person, or in my heart.
Darling chang shuo, wo hao xiang xiao hai zi, bu zhang da; ye xu bah.
Ye xu also because of this, darling chang jue de yao wei wo dan xin.
Sometimes I ask myself: Wo shi zhen de zhang bu da? Hai shi wo bu xiang zhang da?
In terms of si xiang fang mian, hen tan bai de shuo, I'm definitely not what I seem like. Bi ru shuo, darling gen wo shuo, ru guo zhen de you na me yi tian, wo yao dong de fang xia; I know this. Wo ye bu shi mei you zuo guo xin li zun bei.
But what I did just now, tearing when you mentioned this; feeling sad and dejected; saying that mei you ni, wo hui si diao - yes, they're contradictory.
Wo mei you ban fa xiang ni jie shi wei shen me.
I am emotional - I am not afraid to let my emotions show and flow. I am impulsive - I will say and do what comes to mind, often without considering. And in this way, I am true to myself, and true to people around me - especially to you, darling.
Maybe this is the part of my character that explains my behaviour. I seem to think too much; I seem to worry unduly; I seem like a kid when it comes to stuff. But in hindsight, I'm always able to point out where I was wrong, what darling was thinking.
I promised you I will try to change. And I will... But I cannot change my impulsive nature altogether, not immediately. I will, bit by bit, think before I say and react to what dar says to me.
Darling, I don't want you to worry about me. Whenever I make you worry; whenever I make you upset; whenever I make you unhappy, I get very upset with myself. I said, dar dar de gan shou, dar dar zai xiang shen me, wo zhen de hen zai hu de - and I really do.
Dar dar gang cai tu ran don't want me to send you home, I was blaming myself for it.
When I said I was worrying... whenever I worry in fact... I'm always worrying whether I've been stupid. Whether I've not done enough. Darling wui wo de ai, dui wo de care and concern, wo cong lai dou mei you huai yi guo. I tell myself, ru guo dar loved me less, yi ding shi yin wei wo. Yes, I'm very critical of myself... it was what I was taught, all these 21 years of my life.
Darling. You told me you didn't want my heart to live just because of you. And I told you I cannot control my heart and my feelings.
You told me I must learn to carry on, and not die. I told you, I will die - but I will find my way to live, as I always have, after my heart died without family love; after my heart died so many times from one-sided loves, and relations that didn't work out.
But its also true when I said that I've never loved so truly, so deeply as I've loved you. Its true, when I said that you're the most important person to me in my life right now.
So, its also true, that if I were to lose you, I will die. And stay so for a long while...
But I will still carry on, because I'm not without dreams. I told you, I'm an optimist of the optimists - but at the same time, I'm practical.
I can promise you, that though I will die, I will still stand up again one day.
Darling, I want you to love me without having to worry for me all the time. I want you to love me and, receive my love without qualms, without worries. I may be like a kid when I say and act on impulse, but inside, I hope that darling you will see, that I have my measure of maturity. At least when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart.
